Running Through My Brain

So, I've been doing way too much thinking about stuff lately. I told Emily I was going to post about what happened at work the other night. But now, it seems so inconsequential that I don't think I will.

I think instead of my normal, "Today I did this, that and the other" blog I'm actually going to talk about my (gasp!) feelings.

First thing is that I've been doing so incredibly well in school. I can barely believe it, honestly. Back in high school I got nearly straight A's and B's, except in Math, and Science, but that's another story. Then I went to collage and my grades sank to C's and D's. At first I was so upset by this. I knew I could do better...but I just couldn't figure out how to do it. So then finally I just took the attitude of, "Well, a 'D' is passing, at least," and "I just can't do it!" That way I wouldn't have to try and then be disappointed if I failed.

Then it got to the point where I saw no end in sight at UofL. And even if I did graduate, what would I do? I would have a degree in English, and yet not want to be a teacher. My options would be limited. Especially when I saw my friend Laura graduate from collage and is now working at Half Price Books. You know, I could get a job like that without a collage degree. Oh, wait...I have one!

So, on a whim I decided to go to Spencerian and get a degree in Medical Coding. Honestly, I wasn't even sure what Medical Coding was when I enrolled (and to be completely honest, I'm still not entirely sure!). And now, I'm getting A's on ALL of my tests. I haven't gotten less than a 91% on any of my tests. Even the Medical Terms tests! Not only do those involve memorization, but spelling as well (my two hardest areas!).

I ran into my friend Sara's mom (Sara was the girl who's wedding I went to last month) at TJ Maxx tonight. She and I started talking about what I'm up to and this and that and she said I look very happy and very relaxed. And that was so nice to hear.

I think I just feel like I have, not only a goal, but an obtainable goal that also has an end in sight. I'll only been in the program for 12 months at most. Since I passed out of some of my classes, it may be less. Then I'll have my externship, and then hopefully I'll have a job...no, a career, soon after that.

I feel like I'm on my way.

Not only that, but money will be better. Once I turn 25, which is actually a few months after I graduate, I'll be getting my inheritance from my grandparents. It's a pretty hefty amount of money. I'm not going to say how much...but it's plenty! So with that on top of a good paying career, John and I will be set.

I'm so excited about my future right now. I can see that things are going to be okay, and that they will work out. It was only a month ago that I was crying that I had no future and that I'd be living with my parents forever. Now, that has all changed.

I also talked to my friend Kristen tonight. She's been having some issues that I've been helping her with since I have gone through a lot of the same issues when I was in high school and collage (the first 2 times!). Anyway, somehow we started talking about John and me. She said that we make such a wonderful couple and that there's no pressure when she hangs out with us. She told me that we are so relaxed with each other, and it's obvious that we "work."

It just makes me feel so good that my friends take my relationship with John seriously. I think my mom is finally coming around...slowly. She said a few months ago to a friend of hers, while I was standing there, that I was saving up money to move into an apartment with a friend. Hello! He is not a friend, he's my fiancé. And if you're not comfortable saying that then at least say boyfriend.

But for the most part I don't think my mom understands how much I love John, and how much he loves me. I don't think she (or my dad or sister) understand what we go through every day. How we are there for each other no matter what. She doesn't understand why I pick him up on Saturdays from work at 6:30 in the morning when I'd rather sleep in. She thinks I'm getting walked all over maybe. But I'm not. He does just as much for me, if not more.

Anyway...I'm rambling now, and I was going to talk about high school and therapy and all this other stuff that's been on my mind. But It's 11:00 and I need to go to bed.

Okay Emily, I posted to my blog. Did you get your fix?