Is It Over Yet??

Jessie called Obama the 'N' word to my face today. Then she laughed at me when I got angry at her. I left the table and sat by myself until she left and then I rejoined Amanda and Carolyn. I've never been so angry in my life. I was literally shaking. I WILL NOT associate myself with such a blatant raciest. I CANNOT do that.

I said in this post all I need to say about how I feel on the subject of racism. But today I hear also that Bill O'Reily from Fox News made comments about Obama's wife saying something about needing to lynch her (here's an article about it.). I cannot get over the amount of racism I'm experiencing all of a sudden.

Now I'm watching a documentary on Obama on MSNBC....I am praying that he is elected president. I feel so much hope that he will change things.

I don't know what to say. I'm exhausted; I'm spent. My mind literally hurts from the shit I had to deal with today from Jessie. The only good thing out of this is that I will never deal with her again. I could go into school tomorrow and she may act like nothing happened. But something DID happened. I saw in myself that I can stand up for what I believe in without yelling. I always say, "the louder you yell, the less they'll listen," and that is true. If I had yelled at Jessie she would have gotten defensive. I walked away. I was the bigger person. I walked away.

She ran to Dr. Hammond's office. He's the guy you go to if you have a learning disability or something so you get the accommodations you need. She's in his office (literally) at least once a week, often more. For petty things. In coding today, she came in late and said she was in Dr. Hammond's office.

I did NOTHING that I could get in trouble for. No matter how angry she is at me. I walked away. I did not say anything that could be taken as a "verbal attack" or "assault" because I SAID NOTHING. And I have 2 witnesses.

I wish I didn't have to go to school tomorrow. I don't know how much more drama shit I can take. (Note that this was not the only drama that took place today...the other things are very inconsequential but added to my stress level.)

Tomorrow is Thursday (my Friday)...one more day. One more day.

"Snow? What Snow??"

So, after taking 2 long hours to get John home from work on Monday I decided I was going to take a personal day, even if school was in session. I have no absences this quarter (except one in Filing) and it's already week 7 so, who cares. I had heard a rumor that Spencerian has only declared a snow day ONCE in recent memory, so the chances of having one on Tuesday were slim to none.

As the night was drawing to a close, WHAS11 news (the news channel we are told to check for school closing btw) had listed on their ticker that Spencerian was CLOSED. It did not say for what day, but it also did not specify night classes. This was at about midnight. I got up at 8:00 assuming we did not have school (and know I wasn't going to go even if we did...) only to log onto the school's website to find out that we were on a 2 hour delay.

JCPS (Jefferson County Public Schools for my Non-Louisville friends) was closed. About 80% of Spencerian's student population is single mothers with school aged children. Classes would not be letting out until nearly 6:00pm.

Did they *really* expect ANYONE to show up???

Apparently, about 30 students did. And only a handful of teachers. So many teachers weren't there, in fact, that students were instructed to go to the cafeteria for an "exciting seminar" (according to the signs still on the wall today) which turned out to be about how to take a test. If you did not show up for this seminar and sign in, you would be counted absent.

So, today, JCPS was on a delay, but we were on a regular school. I didn't make it to 2nd period (I don't have a 1st period....and yes, I'm in college and we have periods...and bells...) because of traffic and the fact that my neighborhood was covered in ice and snow. But Mrs. Wilds told me 3rd period (I have her 2 periods in a row.) was that our test that was to be on Thursday has been postponed until Monday. Same with 3rd period. Our quiz that was to be today will now be tomorrow. And our test that was supposed to be tomorrow will be on Monday. It's as though school was out, even though it wasn't.

There are rumors going around about if we'll be counted absent or not. The 30 students who WERE there don't think others should be 'cause they actually "braved the elements" and showed up. Those who didn't go say it shouldn't count as an absence because it said on TV that we were canceled, and once you have your answer, you're not normally going to recheck it later. Some rumors going around are that if you missed tomorrow and would have been dropped from class because of too many absences it won't count. But otherwise it will. I don't think that's fair because it should be everyone or no one.

Spencerian needs to get their fucking shit together. That is all I have to say about that. If the TEACHERS cannot get to the fucking school then *maybe* you shouldn't have class. Or at least make a decision and stick with it.

I'm tired of the bullshit of this school. Mrs. Wilds went over our test that will be on Monday. Basically asking us the questions that will be on the test. She got to one of them, a question about a specific drug. Turns out that drug was NOT ON OUR LIST of drugs to know. This list is made by the head of the department. The test is made by the head of the department. We told Mrs. Wilds that we did not have that drug. And said, "Then why is it on the test?? [pause] Well, I guess you all get a freebee."

I'm trying to stay calm about the whole thing. But I cannot get out of this school fast enough. If any of you ever think about going to Spencerian I HIGHLY DISCOURAGE it.

Just Need To Get Through Today...

A friend of mine on Scrapbook.com PMed me and asked if I was ok. Here was my response. I think this is the best way to sum up my life since Thursday or so. I wanted to do an actual post going into a lot of detail about everything...but yeah, we all know that'll never happen. So, here it is:

Too much homework; too many tests on the same day (tomorrow) w/o enough time to study (as in getting the info. for the test and going over the entirety of one of the chapters that will be on the test the day before.); A horrible car crash outside of my school; the homework for one of the classes not making sense; my friend dealing with a lot of issues and needing me to help talk it through (not that I mind helping, but I just couldn't deal with it then.) ; my shoulder and neck hurting so bad I can barely sit at the computer; my theripist forgetting to call me last Thursday; my diabetes doctor appointment coming up (and knowing I'm going to get yelled at for a number of this at this appointment); my teacher asking in front of the class what was wrong as I'm having a panic attack and then taking me later (still while class is in session) into another room to try and help me with the test material only to not have any ideas.

I think that's it...and all of this lead to a nervous breakdown on my way to pick up John during witch I cried when I saw an owl (a live owl. Something you don't see often in Louisville), an ugly car, and when someone "stole" my gas pump at Kroger Fuel.

Plus Heath Ledger's death really got to me. Then the bs from Phelps and some jerk on Fox "news" as well.

I'm just worn out.

Just need to get to the end of today. I think I'll be okay then.

Grades and Doctors

So, I got my grades for all my test I have taken thus far (except for the 2 I took today...)

In Med. Law I got a 100%, even though I missed a few. I turned in a work sheet which was worth 5 points towards the test.

In Pharm I got a 92% after a 2 point curve. Awesome indeed.

In Coding II I got a 95%. I only missed one question, and it was the question I *thought* I had missed. So I wasn't too upset. I would have been upset if I had missed one that I thought I had gotten right.

In filing I deserve a medal. Since I get my homework (called Jobs) done earlier that nearly everyone else, Mr. Shafer "lets" me help other students that need help. I don't mind helping. I really, really don't. IF they are trying and have at least read the material before hand.

The 3 girls that sit behind me, haven't read anything and aren't really trying. They called me over and said, "I haven't done Job 1 yet, so do I have to do Job 1 before I can do Job 2??" I said yes, since it builds on each other. The cards that you file in Job 2 will be filed within the Job 1 cards. They looked disappointed and said, "Well...now I'm behind!"

Honey, you were behind last week when I helped you with Job 1 since you hadn't read the book. Then I had to explain to one girl what an acronym was. When I explained it to her she lite up like a Christmas tree and said, "Ohhh! That makes sense!!"

The same group also didn't understand what a cross reference card was for. Let's say the guys name is Richard Allen. You would want to make a cross reference card for Allen Richard since either of those names could be his first or last name. The girls thought that you would file Richard Allen under 'A' (correct) and file Allen Richard under 'A' as well (very, very wrong!!) What good would that do????

Okay, I'm going to stop bitching about my stupid filing class now with one last point, I did tell the teacher about them, not to be a tattle tale, but just to let him know. I said I don't mind helping people...if they try first. We'll see what happens.

Tomorrow I have a dr. appointment with a new GP. I'm going to tell her about my neck/shoulders and hopefully she'll tell me to go to some physical therapy

I Can't ThinkOf A Title For This

3 Great Ways To Start a Phone Conversation:

1. "AHHHH I HATE FELONS!!" <---Kim(ber)

2. "OMG! OMG!! Guess who I just say on TV!????!!!! Guess, guess GUESS!!!!!!" <---Emily

3. "So, I'm not sure if you'll find this funny or not, but....." <----Kristen


In other news about my day:

I got my first Filling test back today. I got the highest grade in the class, a 95%, a fact I know because the teacher informed the entire class that me and Joel (female, pronounced Joe-L) got the 2 highest grades in the class. Not that it was hard, it's freaking FILLING!!!

Took my first Medical Law and Ethics test as well as my first Pharmacology and Laboratory Terminology (aka Pharm) test today and think I did well. Even though I did not study for Med. Law at all. I'm sorry if the Judicial system is common knowledge for me. And I'm sorry that I am the *only* person in the class (including the teacher) who enjoys this class.

I wanted to hit Jessi today for getting mad at me for "picking on her because it stopped snowing." Man, I hate that girl. I also wanted to strangle her Thursday when she took it as a personal offense that it was raining. No I am not joking at all.

I have a test in coding tomorrow which should be no problem at all. In Med. Law we are starting the movie "John Q." which I have no desire to see. It seems interesting enough, but I *HATE* watching movies in class. The desks are not comfortable enough, and I have a hard time paying attention.

Not much else happened today. So...yeah.

My Grade is a What?

Wow. Okay, it's been WAY too long since my last post. But I have a very good reason. I sprained my wrist back on October 13th. It's finally starting to heal enough so that I can type without it killing me.

Not much really has happened over the last 4 weeks (Damn. Has it really been 4 weeks??). Just a lot of doctors appointments really.

There was one really crazy thing that's been on going that I will attempt to explain:

In my AP2 class we took our first test back on 18th of October. That next Monday we got our grades back, and I failed it...miserably. I got like a 36 or something equaly ridiculous. I studied...not as much or as well as I could have, but I did study. So when I got the crap grade I just figured I didn't study enough. Then, another student, John, got his test back. He apparently got a 50-something. Now, you have to understand that John is the smartest person in this class. He knows everything when we review. So, he was obviously upset and confussed that he failed the test.

He kept saying to Dr. Pressman that there had to be a mistake. Something was definitly wrong. But Pressman swore up and down that nothing was wrong. And as far as the rest of the class knew that was the end of it.

So, having failed the first test, I figured I had to bust my ass and pass the second one. The test was on November 1st. I went in, took the test, and left feeling rather confident that I passed.

Monday, we all go back into class expecting to get our 2nd test grade. But no! We were surprised by having to take the 1st test OVER AGAIN!!! WTF????

Dr. Pressman walked into the room and started handing out scantron sheets. Then he started handing out AP2 Test 1, told us we had to take it over, but didn't offer any explaination. When asked why, he responded, "ask your department manager." When one girl came in late (by like a minute...plus Pressman started the class five minutes early...) Dr. Pressman got angry. She apoligized and said she didn't know we were having a test today. Pressman responded by saying, "I didn't know until a few hours ago."

So I'm taking this test again. This test was over chapters 12-15. The Wednesday before we had just finnished discussing chapter 22. So, needless to say, what I remembered about these chapters was minimum at best. I started having a panic attack and almost started to cry. I nearly walked up to Pressmen with a half empty test and said, "I can't do this. I don't remember any of it." But I didn't, and I got through.

Tuesday we went back into class hoping for an explaination. Nope. When one student asked if he had our grades back he said, "The director has them, and as soon as I get them I'll give them to you." Then we asked about our 2nd test, and he said, "I haven't given those back yet?? Let me go find them." He came back with our tests, but said he hadn't double checked them yet. I got a 70, which is barely passing. I mean, if I had gotten a 69 I would have failed the test. Then we went over one of the questions. The answer was "A" and the whole class started saying, "I marked 'A' but it was counted wrong," including myself. So...basically I don't know my grade for that yet either.

Yesterday we went into class and started chapter 24. We our 3rd and final test a week from today, and then our final in a few weeks. It is nearly week 8 of the quarter (we only have 11 weeks, with the last one being finals week) and I have no idea of my grade in this class.

I'm really upset by this. Hopefully we'll get some answers today, though I doubt it.

Okay, my arm is starting to tighten up, so that's all for now!

Am I Who I Thin k I Am??

So I took a trip down memory lane today, and wound up falling on my ass.

Have you ever felt like you're loosing your identity? Not like in a credit card theft type way. But that you aren't the same person you used to be and you don't really like that fact?

It started out with John and I looking through my art portfolio from high school. I didn't realize what really cool stuff I had done. And then I thought about how I don't do art any more. John informed me that scrapbooking is indeed art...and I agree...however, it's a completely different type of art. I don't know, it's not as artsy of an art. You still use the same principals of design (line, shape, space, color etc) but...it still feels different some how.

Anyway, as I was driving John home I started rambling about how I feel like when I'm at school I'm loosing my identity. I have to wear maroon scrubs for one thing. Everyone at school wears a different color depending on their program. Whatever. But I feel like a cow. Not as in fat, but in that I look like everyone else.

In high school I made it my mission to be different. I was NOT going to be the same as everyone else, and I wasn't. Now, I am. I feel like I'm selling out. In high school I had dreams of being a writer; being some type of artist; basically doing something creative as my career. Now I'm going to school for Medical Coding; the least creative thing ever. But I have to do what I have to do in order to make a good living so that I can support John and I, and support any artistic endeavors I choose to partake in later.

But I feel like people at school don't know the real me. They see the maroon wearing girl that looks like everyone else. That's why I'm not giving up my black-rimmed glasses just yet. They are really the only thing that stands out about me physically that yells, "I'm not the same as you!! Ha hahahah!!"

I hate that I'm so hung up on appearance. But I just want people to see the real me. And they aren't. They're seeing what the school makes me look like. And I hate it. They assume I'm just like everyone else. And I'm not. I'm sooooo very different. When I tell them I'm engaged they assume that I have a man that's just like every other man. And I don't. But I'm afraid to tell them the truth because so many of these people live in the boonies of KY or IN and barely know any gay people much less trans.

I don't know what to do with all this information. I guess just plug along through my next 3 quarters and deal. But I just feel like such a fake.

I Thought I Graduated High School...

Yeah, school sucks. Not the actual learning aspect. But the people. Or, I guess I should say some of the people.

I am actually making friends here, unlike I did in high school. But I also seem to be making enemies too. Which is the same as in high school.

Yesterday I was talking to a girl in my Med Terms class about Anatomy and Physiology (A&P). She said that she has the same teacher I do (Mrs. B.) and she loves her. I, on the other hand, cannot stand her. As she and I talked there seemed to be many differences between the class I have her for and the class this girl has her for:

My Class:

• It's FULL! Too crowed. Granted, it's gotten smaller since some people have dropped. But it's still crowded.
• It's first thing in the morning. That means I get to listen to Mrs. B. pronounce the word "gout" as "goat" at 8:15 in the morning. Fun.
• Since it's first thing in the morning Mrs. B. is late...a lot.
• The other students in my class will not shut up. They talk too much and they don't seem to care about the work.

Her Class:

• Last period of the day. That means she can listen to Mrs. B. say "gout" as "goat" at 2:00 in the afternoon and find it funny rather than frustrating and annoying.
• She told me that there are only like 7 people in her class. How the hell did that happen??
• Since it's the last class of the day Mrs. B. is never late.
• She told me that there is a problem with cheating in her class...but other than that the class is well behaved.

So, as the girl and I were exchanging "notes" on our classes, I mentioned that this other girl (let's call her Mary) who is in our Med Terms class is also in my A&P class. The girl asked me to point her out to her, so I did. Not a big deal...or so I thought.

After class I was heading to my car but stopped by the door to get my keys. At that point "Mary" and this other girl walk past me and the other girl says, "Were you talking about us in there?" I was taken' aback by this and didn't know what they were talking about so I said, "No." Then she said, "Whatever Bitch," and walked away.

See what I mean? High school. Gah!

Okay, so then today in A&P I thought we had our test today. Mrs. B. had said earlier that it would "probably be on Wednesday." Okay, first of all you CANNOT give your students an approximate date of a test. I need to KNOW when the test will be. I've got too much other stuff to do that I need to be able to plan out my week.

So I go into class and am all ready for the test. Did we have the test? No. Of course not. She said that because of yesterday she didn't feel "comfortable" that everyone was ready yet. Know what I think of that? I think that if you're not ready it's your own damn fault. I was ready, but I didn't get to take the test. Now I have 2 tests tomorrow and a Mock Interview. Fun.

So, for the entire class (well, not really...she was late and then couldn't get the computer to work.) we played this game. Now, keep in mind that this room only has 1 computer. We had to go up one and a time to the computer, (which is hooked up to a projector so we can all see.) click on a color then on a bone and then type in the name of the bone. Thus labeling the skeleton. A complete waste of time since we could only go up one at a time.

After A&P I went to Medical Administrative Techniques (MAT) where we are currently using this computer program that is so out of date I'm surprised we don't need those huge floppy disks from the late '80s/early '90s.

The room is set up in an "L" shape which sucks 'cause I sit in the "bottom" of the "L." There are 2 teachers in the class so normally Mrs. Hail will work with my part of the class while Mrs. Whitman works with the other part of the class.

Today the assignment was super easy. Basically all you had to do was FOLLOW DIRECTIONS. It's really that simple. But for some reason, 4 of the ladies on my side of the room missed that day in Kindergarten. So, the other 3 ladies in my half of the room (including me) couldn't hear Mrs. Whitman talking, telling us what to do. I'd get Mrs. Whitman's attention, then she'd tell us that Mrs. Hail's supposed to help our side of the room. That would be fine, except for the fact that Mrs. Hail is trying to figure out why the other 4 ladies fucked up, and how to fix it. If that wasn't bad enough, those 4 ladies were being so impatient with Mrs. Hail, so Mrs. Hail was just getting frustrated all the way around.

So that has been my day. One of those days where I should have just stayed the fuck in bed. I'm tired.