I Was Kidnapped!!!!!

Today was much better than yesterday. In fact, yesterday got much better after dinner. Kim, John and I went to the mall and well, went kinda crazy. It was so much fun to just let loose and not worry about anything or anyone. I didn't think about homework or what people were thinking. It was just pure fun.

We went to Pottery Barn, and I sat down at one of the desks where it's set up to show you how your desk could look like if you were rich and shopped at Pottery Barn. Anyway, I picked up the phone that's sitting on the desk and a little boy (maybe 3 years old) walked up to the desk and looked at me, so I said, "Do you have an appointment?" and he just looked at me like I was crazy. Then he said he wanted to play with the phone, so I handed him the phone and he tried to dial it and "talk" to the person on the other end, but he looked at me and said, "No one answered," so I told him that they must be at lunch. I also, at some point, asked him if he brought a resume, and what preschool he went too before his father dragged him away. It was too much fun!

Also at the mall 2 gay guys hit on John. Good times.

Today I was kidnapped by John and Kim and we went to the zoo. That, too was a lot of fun, but I was getting WAY behind on homework. After the zoo I got sucked in to watch The Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet, and homework/studying still did not get done. Then, Kim went crazy and John made us go to Lowes to look at paint.

At Lowes we walked around designing our future house that we're apparently going to all live in together with the money we're going to make from our hypothetical scrapbook store we're opening one day. We already named it: Scrapin' Crap.

We then went to Applebee's (T.V. commercials really do work since we saw a commercial for it during The Puppy Bowel) where the waitress was a saint putting up with us.

All in all it was a great weekend. I will more than likely fail my Pharm quiz tomorrow...but it will be okay since it's not worth too much of my grade anyway. I need to relax more and have fun.

I did tell them that they are not allowed to kidnap me any more this quarter. Only one kidnapping a quarter, and they used it up.

I'm exhausted. So, I think I shall go for now :D

Just Need To Get Through Today...

A friend of mine on Scrapbook.com PMed me and asked if I was ok. Here was my response. I think this is the best way to sum up my life since Thursday or so. I wanted to do an actual post going into a lot of detail about everything...but yeah, we all know that'll never happen. So, here it is:

Too much homework; too many tests on the same day (tomorrow) w/o enough time to study (as in getting the info. for the test and going over the entirety of one of the chapters that will be on the test the day before.); A horrible car crash outside of my school; the homework for one of the classes not making sense; my friend dealing with a lot of issues and needing me to help talk it through (not that I mind helping, but I just couldn't deal with it then.) ; my shoulder and neck hurting so bad I can barely sit at the computer; my theripist forgetting to call me last Thursday; my diabetes doctor appointment coming up (and knowing I'm going to get yelled at for a number of this at this appointment); my teacher asking in front of the class what was wrong as I'm having a panic attack and then taking me later (still while class is in session) into another room to try and help me with the test material only to not have any ideas.

I think that's it...and all of this lead to a nervous breakdown on my way to pick up John during witch I cried when I saw an owl (a live owl. Something you don't see often in Louisville), an ugly car, and when someone "stole" my gas pump at Kroger Fuel.

Plus Heath Ledger's death really got to me. Then the bs from Phelps and some jerk on Fox "news" as well.

I'm just worn out.

Just need to get to the end of today. I think I'll be okay then.

Am I Who I Thin k I Am??

So I took a trip down memory lane today, and wound up falling on my ass.

Have you ever felt like you're loosing your identity? Not like in a credit card theft type way. But that you aren't the same person you used to be and you don't really like that fact?

It started out with John and I looking through my art portfolio from high school. I didn't realize what really cool stuff I had done. And then I thought about how I don't do art any more. John informed me that scrapbooking is indeed art...and I agree...however, it's a completely different type of art. I don't know, it's not as artsy of an art. You still use the same principals of design (line, shape, space, color etc) but...it still feels different some how.

Anyway, as I was driving John home I started rambling about how I feel like when I'm at school I'm loosing my identity. I have to wear maroon scrubs for one thing. Everyone at school wears a different color depending on their program. Whatever. But I feel like a cow. Not as in fat, but in that I look like everyone else.

In high school I made it my mission to be different. I was NOT going to be the same as everyone else, and I wasn't. Now, I am. I feel like I'm selling out. In high school I had dreams of being a writer; being some type of artist; basically doing something creative as my career. Now I'm going to school for Medical Coding; the least creative thing ever. But I have to do what I have to do in order to make a good living so that I can support John and I, and support any artistic endeavors I choose to partake in later.

But I feel like people at school don't know the real me. They see the maroon wearing girl that looks like everyone else. That's why I'm not giving up my black-rimmed glasses just yet. They are really the only thing that stands out about me physically that yells, "I'm not the same as you!! Ha hahahah!!"

I hate that I'm so hung up on appearance. But I just want people to see the real me. And they aren't. They're seeing what the school makes me look like. And I hate it. They assume I'm just like everyone else. And I'm not. I'm sooooo very different. When I tell them I'm engaged they assume that I have a man that's just like every other man. And I don't. But I'm afraid to tell them the truth because so many of these people live in the boonies of KY or IN and barely know any gay people much less trans.

I don't know what to do with all this information. I guess just plug along through my next 3 quarters and deal. But I just feel like such a fake.

So Sad It Makes Me Angry

And this is why I don't believe in organized religion

I realize that not all Christians believe this way or would support what this church did. But it's the fact that there are churches out there that do believe this and do behave this way that makes me sick. Not only sick...but just plan tired.

I'm A Fag Hag!!

I finished a LO last night!!! It's been so long since I got an actual LO done, that I'm just happy that I got something completed.

I don't think I can upload this to Scrapbook.com 'cause of the word "fag" being so big. But this is a very important LO for me, so I wanted to share it.

It says "I'm a FAG HAG and proud of it!" and then around the arrow it says: "They've come and gone...but they are still my boys!" On the left side of the page are all the names of all my gay guy friends over the years.